Explaining that you can only endure gray skies so long before losing your mind, Luxembourg announced the construction of a giant temple to appease the sun god.
The 97-meter-tall edifice will be built on 4.5 hectares of land near Hesperange, and the entire structure will be covered in gold, officials said.
Schoolchildren will be told to stand near the base and cry, while the country’s most melancholy inhabitants will be allowed to climb to the top and beg, behavior that could attract the attention of the sun god who may then take pity on him. .
“We don’t know if you’re a god, a goddess, a demigod or an omnipotent sky diva who controls the clouds with theatrical snaps of her fingers,” said project manager Laura Brocken, standing on the construction site and speaking through a megaphone in the sky on Wednesday. “But whatever we did to upset you, we’re sorry.”
“We would like to formally ask you to bring back the sun,” she continued. “And we’re not talking about one day of sunshine followed by twenty days of rain, no, we want a good two week period of blue skies and UV rays.”
“As proof of our desire to please you, we are building a temple for you,” she added. “If our gesture is too archaic and you don’t like it, let us know before starting construction. If you give us your IBAN, we will transfer money to you instead.
To help offset the €200 million price tag, authorities are considering renting out parts of the interior for use as offices.
“A lot of companies would like to move to the Luxembourg sun temple,” said an enthusiastic real estate agent. “Imagine how cool it would be if the sun god came down one afternoon to use the toilet.”
However, not everyone is open to the idea of using the temple for commercial purposes.
“The pyramid should be pure, free from sponsorship and commercial activities,” says Soraya Kastkuti, who last saw the sun in August during a trip to Tunisia. “We can’t ruin everything. Please I’m desperate.
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